07 April, 2010

A little gut-wrenching honesty


Coming off of a nice, long, relaxed Easter holiday with my beautiful daughter and gorgeous husband, I knew starting back to work today would be busy, but rewarding. I was positive, upbeat, and rarin to go! 

Boy, was I. Wrong. 

Stress from the word go. Everything that could go wrong did. To be honest with you, I've had some struggles in the direction the business is heading in and I've been more than a little frustrated with the snails pace that things have been moving at.  And the worst part? I've been taking it personal! I shouldn't be, but I do. I'm not gonna lie.  When I get rejection, it's like a slap in the face..like somehow I've failed.  In.Sane.

The logical, focused, and realistic side of me says that everything that happens, is happening for a reason..that every step that I take, good or bad, is taking me in the direction that I meant to go in.  The irrational, emotional, and insane part of me is letting the negativity take over and is consuming me with feelings of self-doubt, hesitation, fear, and a sense of just wanting to let it all go so I don't have to worry about the let down's and rejections.  Cop out? Yep. Sincere, genuine, gut-wrenching honesty? You know it. 

I struggled through my reader today..sifting through all the posts on meaningless this, and I could care less about that..I had bigger things to think about..like, whether or not I'm going to keep this business. Who gives a rat's about a peony and rose bouquet when I'm considering giving up on my dream!?  Then, I got to Little Bit Funky. This is one of my favourite blogs and it has nothing to do with weddings.  It was an Easter post and this is what Crystal said: 

"The following quote has been on instant replay in my head this week...reminding me that I AM good enough as I am...not with improvements...or lighter...or smarter...or having memorized more of the Bible.  He loves me just like I am...in all my failing and faults.  He loves me as I strive to do better and fail and fail again.  

"He wants you. In his arms. 
By his side. Surrendered and free in His presence.
Not because you deserve it or have earned it or are perfect.
Because of Easter.
That’s it."

What the?  Did she write that for me? How? She doesn't even know me! But it so...fits!  So, after reading that a million times, after a great pep talk {or 12} from my fantabulous husband, and after tons of positive wishes and thoughts from friends, I decided to take matters into my own hands.

What next?
Well, I'm still going to wonder when things will turn around. But, tomorrow morning, I'm going to wake up, I'm going to fix a ginormous pot of coffee, and start making lists. I'm going to make lists of lists, and these lists are going to have goals...short-medium-long term goals.  They're going to cover what I want. What I don't want. What I will, and what I won't, do. If I can write it, it'll be written.  I'm going to quit doubting myself and my talents.  I'm damn good at what I do. I know it as sure as I'm typing this. I'm going to live it.  Through the good and the bad, I will never lose sight of it. I provide kick ass customer service. I love my clients..and my clients love me.  Did I mention I'm damn good at what I do? Well, I am.  I have faults. I'm human, I always will have faults. I will continue to learn that my faults do not define the type of human being that I am, or that I will become.  

Consistent positivity is something that I am always trying to find in my life. All I can do is keep on keepin on. I'm on this path for a reason.  I'm going to always remind myself that this is where I'm meant to be, right this second. And get through this very second so I can get through the next.

PS. I love the OM symbol.  It's the most paramount symbol in Hinduism and represents unconditional love and harmony, an ancient symbol of peace and tranquility. 


  1. I think this is a great post Autumn! :) I admire your honesty and I am positive this speaks to many small business owners out there - I know I can relate...

    Just keep on keepin' on, head held high & believe in your passion!! It can get pretty overwhelming but just focus, make your lists, and visualize where you want to be. This will help A TON! It is such a relief to start tackling those little annoying things standing in your way.



  2. Thank you Angela! It's amazing the positivity that comes from such raw and painful emotion. I feel the love of everyone and it means so much to have so much support. I know I'm not alone..others deal w/ the same up and down phases that I do. I just had to be honest and put it out there.
    xoxo Autumn

  3. AUTUMN!! ever since i started my own little invitation biz, you have been and continue to be an absolute inspiration to me (and countless others in our industry). never feel that you are alone in all these trials.. you better believe we're right there with you. as angela said, it can get overwhelming at times. but we have each other to lean on, to encourage and support, and all we can continue to do is keep plugging away. you are GREAT, my dear! sending you a trans-pacific hug! - evelyn, bamboo star studios